I am fed up with these ‘chugli karne wali auntiyan‘. Are you?
If you are also one of those who have been subjected to the torture of Auntiyan feeding crap in your mom’s head, you are about to witness the list of black magic, jhaad phuk and brutally well-constructed lies.
1. Feed me Gossip, Oops Exam Result
They want a gossip for the next one and a half month and guess their gossip provider? Exam Result Portal. “Bhabhi ji, Bittu ke kitna aaye boards main?” “Bhabhi ji, Rintu ke kitne aaye boards main?” And their classic ‘humara beta toh bada hosiyar hai’ (Insert percentage higher than yours, obviously) ab toh IIT ki taiyaari kar rha hai. *Inner Me* Hona toh nahi hai iska.
2. The Shaadi Mania
They think the solution to everything is marriage. I am going on trips, shaadi karado iski. I am looking pretty, shaadi karva hi do ab iski. I am cooking, Bass waqt aagaya hai haath pile karvane ka. And the ultimate: Shaadi Karado iski, ummar nikli jaa rhi hai Bhabhi ji.
3. Naukri Lag Gayi?
They simply cannot, cannot shut up. They will keep asking my mom, ‘Naukri Lag gayi uski? Salary Kitni hai?’ AND THEN THEY WILL COMPARE ME WITH THEIR SONS AND DAUGHTERS OBVIOUSLY.
4. That Boy
Oh, they have eagle vision! Aunties can spot you from the other side of the road, from the top of the mountain and probably from the parellel universe also. Bhabhi ji, pani puri kha rhe the dono, maine socha aapko bata du, aaj kal ke bache bade jaldi hi jawan hojate hai na. Kya karen!
5. The Not-So-Appropriate Clothes
They always start with a justification. “Bhabhi ji, waise toh hum bhi modern khayalat wale hai, lekin…(And then they take the dramatic pause) Aapki bacchi aajkal kaafi modern kapde pehnane lagi hai.” (Nanga ghumti hai yeh toh bol nahi sakti woh) Then they wait for mummy’s stance, if they look a little embarrassed, they will shoot mummy with multiple kinds of zeher. For example ‘aise kapde, ladko ka attention paane ke liye.’ ‘Haath se nikli jaa rhi hai ladki’ blah blah. If mom takes a normal stance, then they play the ‘zamana kharab chalrha hai, ladkiyan safe nahi hai’ card.
6. Judging your body
If I am Fat, “Bhabhi ji, issey zara exercise karne ko kahiye, aisa/aisi rahi/raha toh kaun shaadi karega issey?” If I am skinny, “Bhabhi ji, isko kuch khilaya pilaya kijiye” They are too smart, mark my words, too smart.
7. They Cannot Leave Anyone
*Aunty’s Devil Mind* Sirf iski burai karke maza nahi aaya. “Bhabhi ji, sach keh rhi hu, Yeh Riya/Rohan ke dost, (dramatic pause) sangat aachi ni lagti. Aapko kya lagta hai? (A subjective question after manipulatory brain-nasht karing spell)
Also Read | How I Ideal With “Beta Kuch Khaati Kyu Nahi?”
Do you know any such aunties? Let us know in the comment setion below!