Friends like me are not worth it. Never. It’s simple. For people like me, friendship is not just a bond. Our friends are much more than just friends to us. We care like there’s no end. We over think stuff, we unquestionably walk the extra mile to thank you for your friendship, and even that doesn’t suffice for what all you give us. From doing the tiniest things that make you happy to crossing the mountains with you, we do it all. And no, don’t take me wrong, we do it all only because we love you, and nothing else really matters. In the same quest, we say stuff that hurt you. Yes you, my dear friend.
But you will never know that a few words of yours slashed me to unfathomable depths. I cried, and I cried hard. I broke down because what I had said was something I had learnt from you once. And the same thing discommode you this time, because your life has changed now. You could not see the daylight of my endless turmoil. There is no one to talk to, so I write. I am stuck up in a perpetual dilemma of my own choices. It flows unhindered within me right now, my chaotic chain of thoughts. You did not realize, but I had no one except you. Times are hard for me. You know why? Because all I have is my shadow most of the times. I make friends, so many of them. But you were the only one who could walk inside my mind. Amidst all my friends, I longed for your silly jokes and uncontainable guffawing. I waited for that one phone call of yours when I sat solitary listening to songs in the lunch. I waited for that one text that you did not drop. I saved all of your pictures, but I was not in so many of them, because you thought I were busy, or you planned the outing randomly.
When you said friends like me are not worth it, you were right. I suck at friendship. I suck real bad. I suck because I did a little something to make myself feel better. To make myself feel your friend again. To tame my loneliness that grows fractious each time I think of the times gone. And yes, I deserved it. Thank you for being my mirror. After all, that’s what friends are for. I love you still. I hope you love me too. I am not sure because, well, friends like me are not worth it. But I am sorry. I don’t know why, but I am sorry.