Well, why did you google ‘Wanting to please everyone disorder’?
If you like to please people around you, does it mean it’s problematic? No.
If you like to please everyone every time, does it mean it’s problematic? Maybe.
Disclaimer: The wanting to please everyone disorder is not a medical condition that exists. The use of this term in the article suggests only the seriousness of the people-pleasing habit of people because it comes at the cost of one’s mental well-being.
In this article, we are going to cover several aspects of people-pleasing becoming a problem.
The aspects range from identifying if you are one or not (recognise), how it affects you and others (understand consequences) and how to overcome the problem (solution).
10 signs you have ‘wanting to please everyone disorder’
1. You are perpetually apologetic
If you are a die heard people pleaser, you will realise how you are always apologetic.
You will be sorry for things that you don’t even do. You say sorry when it’s your fault and also when it isn’t.
2. You can never say ‘no’
The only thing people pleasers can say ‘no’ to is the ‘no’ word itself. If you are ever asked to do something for someone, you cannot turn them down because you feel responsible for their work and feelings.
3. You always pretend to agree
Let’s say you are having a political discussion or even about something as basic as a skincare routine.
Even if your opinions and values are poles apart from the other person, you agree to them in a jiffy
Often, it is just an act of agreeing to get the person to like you. If you aldo do so, you are a people pleaser and might have ‘wanting to please everyone disorder’.
4. You Settle for less
You are likely to settle for less always.
This means that many a time, you will not ask for what you actually deserve.
This means underestimating your own worth or complying to others’ judgement of your own worth.
5. You always pretend that you’re fine
People pleasers like to come off as a strong and emotionally stable person.
You will not portray emotions like crying, anger, and being hurt because you feel embarrassed.
If you want to please everyone you might think that showing your emotions will make people dislike you.
6. People pleasers can be easily influenced
In the bid to please everyone, you take everyone’s opinion for a decision that affects you.
In this process, you place others at a higher pedestal and do what they say.
You feel that everyone is right, even if two people are saying opposite things. This leads you to struggle with actual decision making.
7. You try to become ‘them’
You are not yourself in front of people.
What this means is you internalize certain personality traits from those around you and become ‘them’.
This makes you lose out on yourself.
8. You always feel responsible for other’s feelings
People pleasers are always burdened with the responsibility of others’ feelings.
You are always trying to make other’s feel good. If someone isn’t in a fine emotional state, you feel it is because of you (when it’s not most of the times).
Hence, you are seen putting extra efforts to make amends for what you feel is your fault.
9. You always try to be on your own
You don’t agree with people helping you. You think this makes you the smaller person, thus attracting dislike.
Remember, asking for help doesn’t make you any less likeable.
This also reflects a lack of confidence when you don’t want to approach others.
10. You are attracted to ‘people controllers‘
The pole-opposite personality for you is a controller.
There are two types- pleasers and controllers. If you are a pleaser, you will be attracted to controllers.
They are dominating, rigid in their beliefs and values, have the need to be correct, and seem to be confident in their actions.
The people – pleaser personality will feel secure with the controller and likewise.
I hope you now have a clear picture of how deep the water is. Move ahead to know about its consequences.
Why ‘wanting to please everyone disorder’ is harmful and futile?
1. You should understand that everyone is different
Since everyone is a product of their own experiences, they are very different.
It is too time-consuming and demanding to please everyone you meet.
Wanting to please everyone disorder will make you think that everyone is perfect.
2. You will come off as less attractive
You will always come off as dicey, indecisive and easily influenced. People will stop sharing with you because you are not exclusive- you are listening to everyone and not taking a stance.
They will also notice after a period of time the shallowness in your ‘yes’.
3. You might lose your self worth
You are low on self-esteem and self-worth. This negative image of yourself leads you to accept your own self less.
What’s the point admiring others when you cannot love yourself?
4. You will be resentful towards the people you’re trying to please
You will notice how you will turn resentful towards the people you are trying to please. You feel they are draining you of your positive energy, while not acknowledging you are one who’s too harsh on yourself.
5. You become weaker
Since you are usually wearing the mask of being strong, you are not acknowledging the actual truth. The truth of you being upset, hurt or angry. To repress these emotions is eventually going to make you weak.
How to overcome ‘wanting to please everyone disorder’?
Here is a list of solutions to help you cure the people pleaser disorder or syndrome.
To follow these won’t make you any less likable for your boss or family members.
Trust me, you will be better off.
1. Acknowledge the option
You have two options- yes or no. Acknowledge them and act accordingly. There are times when people-pleasers say ‘I did not have an option!’ However, in most cases there is always an option. You just don’t want to look at it.
2. Learn to say ‘no’
Initially, just start saying no. To many things. Practice saying this word in front of the mirror. GET USED TO YOU SPEAKING NO. Once you are comfortable with saying no, try to say it with some conviction.
Along with this make sure to introspect. You should know where you are answerable and where you aren’t. Where you are not as accountable, don’t justify your no. This gives the person on the other side reasons to find loopholes in your justification as if trying to negotiate.
Bonus tip: In the initial phase, try using phrases like ‘I will look at it and will get back to you’ or ‘I am a little uncertain if I will be able to manage. Give me some time to get back to you’. This way you buy yourself some time to prepare for the ‘no’.
3. Always take a stance
Don’t be afraid to take a stance on things you feel strongly about. You don’t have to agree with others. This also doesn’t mean that they will necessarily have to agree with you. Agree to disagree. People who have a mind of their own and speak out are often found attractive.
4. Understand who you really are?
Start introspecting. Don’t worry, the question gives many of us an existential crisis. But go slow on yourself. Try to find your interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes which are not based off other people around you.
5. Evaluate every decision on your personal criteria
Set your own criteria for decisions you have to make. Make a pros and cons list to help you decide. Once you are done making a decision in your head, you can always seek help. This will help you to broaden your horizons.
Once you are done taking opinions, re-evaluate your decision and see for yourself.
After a point of time, you will realize that you are perfectly capable of taking charge of your own decisions.
6. Improve your mental strength
Invest in your mental health. You need to put efforts into becoming more resilient and strong, mentally. You can consult therapists or simply inculcate positive actions that help.
7. Loosen up a bit
You need to loosen up a bit and not be too harsh on yourself. The change will not come overnight. It will be slow yet doable.
This also means that recognize your feelings (be aware) and express them. A healthy expression of your emotions is more than welcome.
8. List your values and follow them always
To tackle the problem of being influenced easily, make a list of values and principles you hold dear.
Try to inculcate those ideas in your daily life by practising in action.
I hope this comprehensive guide on wanting to please everyone disorder helps you if you are going through this problem of pleasing everyone.
If you think we missed out on any points or any other aspect, let us know in the comments below!