There are certain kind of people who exist that constantly make you feel like you need to be on guard and are so negative that everything they do makes you feel downtrodden and simply unhappy. They’re like a big vacuum cleaner, sucking the happiness out of you leaving you feeling bleh.
The first thing that comes to your mind when you meet these people is “I need to unfriend them, walk out of their lives, limit contact to no more than the yearly Christmas card”. Easier said than done, isn’t it?
These people could be your friends, siblings or colleagues. When walking out isn’t an option, it is imperative to take steps to make sure that whatever they do, you remain unaffected. It isn’t easy because these people are the most difficult kind of people. They are difficult on themselves and on others.The sad truth is that these people are everywhere and learning to deal with the ones you’ve got now will help you later. Before you decide to take any measure to deal with them, learning the difference between the people who are concerned for you and the people who are just there to pull you down is crucial. The line between them is fine but may become hazy when one is not looking close enough.
Judy Orloff says in her book, “Positive Energy” that in the presence of these people, you feel
– you experience a sense of being demeaned, constricted or attacked.
– you intuitively feel unsafe, tense or on guard.
– you sense prickly, off-putting vibes. You can’t wait to get away from them.
– your energy starts to fizzle. You may feel beleaguered or ill.
She also refers to them by the following names which you might recognize: the sob sister, the blamer, the drama queen, the constant talker or joke teller, and the fixer-upper (requires endless help).
These people can be selective when it comes choosing where to plant their negative nettles. Colleagues or friends tend to be fine and dandy when it comes to matters in your life that do not affect them.However, matters like excelling in studies, winning competitions, having the boss appreciate your work etc is when they perch on your neck and prattle on with their negativity. They pretend to be your friend and you need to know that. The quicker you figure that out, the quicker you will be able to take certain measures to keep your atmosphere safe and clean from their cheap banter.
Don’t feel like you need to fight with them the second they start demeaning or doing hurtful things to you.This kind of jealousy and lack of tact comes from a place that they are struggling in.Try to find the root to this and help them.If this doesn’t work, it’s time for you to protect yourself.
Their opinion never matters
Don’t let them dictate your decisions.
“Don’t join that pilates class!” “Don’t wear that lipstick. Looks awful on you!”
“Oh, you should totally wear that colour lipstick!”
They could be right but don’t take their word for it. If it really matters, ask someone who you are certain wants the best for you.
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They are attention seekers- don’t forget that
These kinds of people tend to talk loudly, joke around and have a superiority complex along with an inferior complex.They are two parts of the same coin.
They co-exist with each other, except for the fact that inferiority complex plays a bigger role as compared to a superiority complex. Why I say this is because when someone has a fear, they have an inferiority complex and are scared that their weaknesses would be out in the world. And superiority complex is often a nice cover-up to the same person’s inferiority complex. When a person with superiority complex has even a deeper fear, then she\he tries to “mask” her\his fear with a so-called superiority complex, which in turn is a self-defence mechanism for the same inferiority complex.They thrive on attention. Most often, when they do not receive what they feel they deserve, they begin to act out- pulling people (you) down with them.
You are probably not the only one to notice
You might be surprised, but people around you are more intuitive than you think. You might think you are the only person who feels that your negative nancy is negative. However, people are watching and they know. Seek help. Speak to them and ask them what they do to combat Nancy. (Sorry Nancy’s of the world!)
Show them you don’t care
You might not be there yet but it doesn’t hurt to go Chachi 420 on them. Pretend, pretend, and pretend! When they see you aren’t fazed by them, they might just coil back into their pots.
Be the better person
You can never win an argument with these people.They will do and say anything to make themselves sound valid. Arguing with them is just going to upset you and make yourself feel helpless. Shrug them off and bask in the feeling of being the mature one.
Do what you want
Your success hurts and weakens them. The more you achieve, the more they act up which makes their case even more fragile. Keep moving forward and don’t dare look back.
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Remember, these people want nothing more than to see you fail.
Do not get carried away by the gifts they bring back for you on holiday. Protect yourself and then seek out to help others.
Do you have any stories to share? How do you deal with such people? Do let us know in the comment section below: