Me: Hello Pa, I’ll be late home today. I’m going for a movie after college. Sam will drop me home.
Dad: Which movie?
Me: Not sure yet Pa, will go to the theater and decide!
Dad: Watch Baby Driver, it’s really good.
Me: Okay Pa, I’ll see bye!
and I hang up.
A year back,
Me: Pa, shall I go for a movie tomorrow?
Dad: What? When? After college you mean? How will you return home late? Are boys also accompanying, how many girls and how many boys?
Me: Errrrr ummm oh shit, I have my record work, totally forgot. I can’t go pa!, I mumble and return to my room.
Msg to the group: Sorry guys going for a family dinner tomorrow 🙁
Msg to the brain: Next time don’t even bother asking, say you have a special class. Period.
This is just a summary of how it used to be. I literally longed to run away from home the first chance I get. Fortunately, things changed and I like spending time with them now, I talk about boys, friends, trips and dreams with full freedom.
So how did it change, that too in a year? There are certainly a few habit and attitude changes you need to make, I wouldn’t lie about that. Put that extra effort, because of all the relationships this one deserves it the most!
1) Build trust
We fail to realize that trust is a two-way road. If they trust you they will not bother you with extensive questioning and restrictions. It’s all interconnected. If you are transparent to them, they will trust you. If you trust them, why would you not be transparent? Give them a reason, enough to trust you and your decisions, the rest will fall into place.
2) Start talking
Don’t give me that, “I’m talking only” look. You know what I mean by talking. For the most part of my life all that I spoke to my parents was, “Dad.. report card.. sign”, “Enough Ma, I’m full”, “Ya, Okay”, not even complete sentences. As we grow it gets easier to talk with our parents. The more we talk, the more they see us as equal individuals and start accepting that we are capable of making decisions.
3) Don’t forget to calm after a storm!
Any relationship is bound to get healthier with fights and arguments. The key is to not let them unsettled. After both the parties come back to senses, sit along with them and talk. Accept if the mistake is on you, explain if it is on their side, come to a conclusion together. Why should you do all this? Think of everything they have done for you, you’ll know the answer.
4) Be expressive!
…she did not want me to run the entire family, rather spend some time with her talking and being with her and that is just enough to make her content.
In my case though, this never seemed to happen. My parents and I have never exchanged sweet words of love, never. So how? I realized it is not that difficult.
Ma always complains that I don’t help her with the house hold chores. I, on the other hand, have no interest in these things. One day I was totally bored and offered to help mom with dinner. She was surprised and asked me to chop onions. As I was doing, I was telling her about my day, about practice after class and then we started talking about some movie.
By the time I was done with the chopping, she took the knife from me and said, “Chalo, enough, dinner is ready, now go and eat, I’ll take care of the rest”. That is when it struck me, she did not want me to run the entire family, rather spend some time with her talking and being with her and that is just enough to make her content. For the next three days, she didn’t complain. How difficult is it to show this small gesture which means so much more to our parents but just takes little of our time? Expressive enough? 😉
5) Show them your life
More often we feel we cannot let our parents know how we are when with friends and when out of the house. This leads to a lack of trust. Don’t let this dwell, introduce them to your friends, take them to your favorite places, show them what makes you happy. And this will automatically make them happy.
Blessed with parents we are! Treasure them. Just a few give and takes from your side, once trust is established they will never stand an obstacle for your life. No parent can deny happiness to their child. If you’re not sure at any point on what to do, think reverse! What will you want your children to do? The answer will find you 🙂
Like I said, Of all Relationships, this deserves your effort the most 😀 Tell us about your relationship with your parents in the comment section below: